Dude, you need to relax.

So you think you're all cool and not at all worried about allergies. You're sure you're not harboring low-level anxiety at all times.

And then your cell phone rings in your office while you're at work, and it's someone calling from the preschool, and your heart is racing as they're saying, "This is so and so from such and such school, and I'm just calling because..." And you're thinking to yourself, "How fast can I get there?"

Except that all they are calling about is the fact that school pictures are happening on a Monday, but your daughter doesn't attend on Mondays, so you'll need to make a special trip to drop by if you want to have her included in the class photo.

Oh.

Okay.

So, um? No one's dying?

Fantastic.

We'll be there at 8:00.

Oh, and p.s. did you know that you just gave me a heart attack?

(No, I did not say any of that. Was just thinking it.)

Anyway, apparently I need to take a chill pill.

Raising Your Child's Awareness vs. Freaking Them Out

I recently read an interview of a psychologist studying the social and emotional toll of coping with food allergies. Specifically, the "shocking" levels of stress in mothers of children with food allergies.

I guess there was nothing shocking to me in the interview, but I took note of the following quote from Dr. Rebecca Knibb:

If the parents cope well, this behavior is learned by the child. Children are very perceptive and learn vicariously, i.e. they learn by watching how parents react to situations. If a parent is very anxious, the child tends to be anxious also.

That sounds about right to me. So, how do you teach your child to better understand his or her food allergy in order to keep them safe, without scaring them in the process? How do you go about hiding your "shocking" levels of anxiety from your sponge-like children? : )

My daughter is not yet 3 years old, and we are trying to gradually increase her awareness of her own food allergies and what that means as far as what she can and can't eat. This is especially important since she'll be starting preschool in the fall, surrounded by well-meaning adults and children who may occasionally offer her food that she should not eat.

However, we have never once told her something like, "You could die." I don't think she even gets it that plants die, or that bugs die when you squish them, so the last thing we need is for her to live in fear for her own life. I don't think any toddler should be burdened with such a heavy thought, but dare I say, our Georgia is an especially sensitive one. (Understatement of the century.) We have an age appropriate allergy book that mentions hives, coughing, itching, and that sort of thing, but if you asked Georgia, I think she'd tell you that her allergies might give her hives. If you asked her the follow up question of, "What is a hive?" I think that she might or might not be able to answer that. But again, please keep in mind that she's only 2.

So, it's all very weird. Some days she'll say things that make me feel proud of our efforts, like maybe she's really "getting" it. She's pretty good at asking us, "Do you have the EpiPens?" when we leave the house. (Not because we normally need a reminder, but more so that if she is ever with a new babysitter or relative that she will hopefully ask them the same thing.) And then on other days, someone will ask her if she wants a peanut butter sandwich, and she'll answer yes without hesitation, which is disappointing. But it's not surprising that when you're two, and have relied on trusted adults to meet your every need, that you don't exactly stop to question, "Wait - is this safe for me?" at every turn. It takes practice to instill this behavior.

Once again, there is no particular conclusion to this post. Obviously, I do have a certain level of anxiety related to Georgia's food allergies, though I try to keep it in check. Maybe this blog is a good outlet for me to write things down and get them off my chest, rather than passing my worries on to my daughter? It all goes back to that whole Goldilocks Principle thing -- I hope we are teaching her enough to be careful, but not so much as to be scared.

Oops. Minor Bib Incident.

I wasn't there at the time, but Georgia had a very mild allergic reaction (some hives on her face) to skin contact with a bit of food residue on a bib that she borrowed during a playdate. The bib was the style that slips on over your head (kind of like a tea towel with a head hole cut out of it), so it probably just grazed her cheeks. We think the culprit was either sesame (from hummus) or some peanut butter. The bib's owner suspects hummus. Of course she keeps their bibs clean to normal standards, though, so she jokingly inquired when we discussed the incident later, "Is Georgia allergic to sesame vapors or something?"

I agree -- it is kind of astounding how sensitive Georgia's skin can be. Fortunately, the hives didn't even require any Benadryl and disappeared within 15 minutes. But this incident was a good reminder of how careful we have to be to prevent Georgia's ingestion of allergens.

The silver lining here is that two more adults have now witnessed Georgia having some kind of allergic reaction, thus proving that I'm not crazy. Well, you know what I mean -- it's not that I thought I was crazy, but sometimes I wonder if other people think that Joe and I are just making of all of this allergy stuff up!

Allergies? What Allergies?

We welcomed our second child into the world on August 18th.

Amazing how this has managed to take my mind off of anything related to food allergies.

It has been a nice reprieve.

Maybe I was starting to let the annoyance and worry overtake my mind too much? I won't go so far as to use the word "obsessed," but maybe I was borderline??? Hope not.

Anyway, point is that life marches on, allergies or not. Which is great.

They're just one thing on the list. But now I must attend to a higher priority on the list: sleep.

I Wonder...

11 days until my due date.

I wonder if this child will have food allergies or not? So curious about that.

We pray that it will not.

They tell me not to do anything differently - not to eat or behave differently in this pregnancy versus the last. They say there's no good evidence yet that any of it matters.

And yet I find myself wondering what the cause could be. Should I not eat this hummus sandwich from Cosi? What about the peanut m&m's from the vending machine at work that I could not resist - should I not have eaten those? (Beyond the list of other reasons that one might want to avoid them, of course.) What about this soda? Is it the secret evil? What about this supposedly environmentally friendly kitchen cleaner - is it okay to use?

You see how messed up I have become? I'm telling you, I think you would be the same way. It's all such a mental game, these food allergies.

A confession: I desperately want our second child not to have food allergies. First and foremost for its own sake - for its health. But also so people won't think Georgia's allergies are "my fault." That they're something I caused, or something I invented.

Selfish of me to feel that way, I guess. Rather insecure and defensive, I know. But that's how I feel a lot of the time; that's where I am right now.

Hmm.....I wonder... I wonder...

Reflecting on a year

It's been just about a year since Georgia's first known allergic reaction, which was to a bite of hummus. (I say "known" only because there are some of her more serious eczema outbreaks when she was younger that I now wonder if were due to foods that I was eating that she was getting through breastmilk.)

Anyway, I thought I should pause and reflect on our first year of dealing with a food allergic child. What the surprises have been, etc.

• It feels like it has been a lot longer than a year. Feels like it's been from the beginning but it hasn't.

• The wait to get in to see the allergist felt interminably long.

• I can't believe what a crazy restricted diet she was on for about 2 months while we were waiting to get in for that first allergist appointment. Felt like a caveman's diet.
  

• Given Georgia's young age, and our ability to control her diet 100%, I think the biggest impacts on our life so far have been: (1) When we go out (for errands, outings, whatever) we tend to take food with us way more often than other parents of a toddler her age, just in case; and (2) We hardly ever eat out at restaurants with her - to us it's just not worth the hassle most of the time. (So, yeah, I guess we're not the "cool" parents who haven't let having a child impact their own social life at all (the ones that many childless people I know seem to always think of as the "best" or most laid back). Oh well!)
  

[As to (1) and (2) -- both seem silly if you consider the multitude of foods that Georgia CAN eat. Problem is knowing what's in everything, which is why it's just so much more convenient to us to pack stuff or eat at home than to have to constantly ask questions or read labels when we're out.]

• We've been lucky that Georgia has had no serious allergic reactions. What I wish people could understand is that even the mild ones are not fun to experience. They're scary.

• I think every first time parent goes through those, "is the baby dead?" moments when they just have to go in and check on the sleeping child to put their mind at ease. I think we experienced (and still experience) that syndrome WAY worse than the average parent. (It stems from the fact that we've been told that anaphylaxis can kick in up to 2 hours after exposure to a food, and when you're dealing with a kid who sleeps as much as Georgia did this year, well, there's not always room for a 2 hour window between eating and sleeping.) I know it's probably a ridiculous, unfounded fear, but it crops up now and then.

• I guess I knew before we were thrust into the fold that food allergies were a "hot topic." But I had no idea how much misinformation is out there. How strongly opinionated people can be about this stuff. How much negativity there often is in the media's coverage of the issue. How truly unsympathetic, and frankly, downright cruel, people can be when leaving comments on the Internet (to articles or blog posts they've read). I have got to learn not to let those people get to me, or just not to read the comments! (BTW, when it comes to this stuff, Joe is SO much better than I am at not giving a hoot what anyone else thinks. He would never let such hurtful comments get to him.)
  

• I've noticed a pattern. As vigilant as we try to be, we ebb and flow. We go for a period where Georgia has no allergic reaction to anything and slowly we become just a little bit more lax -- a litte more willing to let her eat something without asking first what's in it and instead going with our assumption that it's okay. And then she has some kind of reaction, and suddenly we're all hyper-vigilant again. [That's normal, right? I imagine that pattern will continue forever as we, and eventually she, try to always strike the right balance between safety and unnecessary caution.]
  

• To our surprise, we find the sesame allergy to be the most annoying to deal with.

• Another surprise: We wish they could come up with an allergy test for severity almost as much as we wish they could come up with a cure. Of course a cure would be ideal, but if that's not possible in the near term future, then please, oh please, scientists, work on a severity test.

• This is stating the obvious after having reflected on all of the above, but it's remarkable after one year of dealing with food allergies how much of a head game allergies can create. (At least for the parents. I don't ever want this stuff to stress Georgia out as much as it can stress us out.) The physical part of food allergies is so manageable; the mental part sometimes requires more work.

Stuff that Bugs Me (Installment #1)

1. People that both accept the "hygiene hypothesis" as gospel truth while simultaneously not at all understanding it. I did not give my child food allergies by overusing hand sanitizer, and p.s., I'm not even close to being a germaphobe.

2. People who write inflammatory articles and blog posts making it sound like food allergies are the invention of parents who need to feel like their child is "special." I'm sure there is someone out there that actually fits that profile, but must you diminish everyone else's real concerns by focusing on the outliers? Trust me, no sane person wants their kid to be "special" in this way.

Just a venting post. I realize that both of the above complaints betray my own insecurities as a mom of a food allergic child. It is something that I have struggled with -- trying not to care so much what anyone may think of me as a mother when the subject comes up that Georgia is allergic to certain foods. It's just that food allergies have gotten more and more media attention in recent years, not all of it accurate, and certainly not all of it positive. So, as soon as the subject comes up (which frankly, I usually try to avoid unless necessary - I guess I'm not the best food allergy spokesperson at this point in time), I just assume that the person I'm talking to has a lot of preconceived notions and is judging me left and right. First of all, that may not even be the case, and I'm obviously guilty of prejudgment myself if that's what I'm thinking about this person for no apparent reason. Second, who cares? (That is the part I especially need to work on.) I can't blame myself for whatever caused Georgia to have food allergies, whether it be genetic or environmental, certainly it was nothing that I knew how to prevent otherwise I would have. I can't control whether this person somehow doubts that Georgia's food allergies are "real." On a related note, I need to get over my own embarrassment and shyness about asking questions in restaurants about exactly what is in the food. I know that my child's health may depend on the answer, so I'm ashamed that I have sometimes taken chances rather than risk bugging a waiter with a question that might be annoying. Working on all of this....