Sunday, August 2, 2009

I Wonder...

11 days until my due date.

I wonder if this child will have food allergies or not? So curious about that.

We pray that it will not.

They tell me not to do anything differently - not to eat or behave differently in this pregnancy versus the last. They say there's no good evidence yet that any of it matters.

And yet I find myself wondering what the cause could be. Should I not eat this hummus sandwich from Cosi? What about the peanut m&m's from the vending machine at work that I could not resist - should I not have eaten those? (Beyond the list of other reasons that one might want to avoid them, of course.) What about this soda? Is it the secret evil? What about this supposedly environmentally friendly kitchen cleaner - is it okay to use?

You see how messed up I have become? I'm telling you, I think you would be the same way. It's all such a mental game, these food allergies.

A confession: I desperately want our second child not to have food allergies. First and foremost for its own sake - for its health. But also so people won't think Georgia's allergies are "my fault." That they're something I caused, or something I invented.

Selfish of me to feel that way, I guess. Rather insecure and defensive, I know. But that's how I feel a lot of the time; that's where I am right now.

Hmm.....I wonder... I wonder...

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